Homecoming Queen: Part I

by The Rooster on February 11, 2010

Capital Letter G in House of Lime's Paisley Caps Font

ood morning Isabel,” I said to the short and oddly proportioned, brace faced freshman passing by. She was shocked that a senior was actually talking to a freshman.

“Hi,” she said back timidly and scurried off to the locker bay.

I then turned to Barba and said, with a gay face, “Every vote counts.”

“Jiiiiiiiiim,” she said as she smacked me on the shoulder. Barba, which is Spanish for “beard,” was exactly that, my beard. She was the closest thing I ever had to a high school sweetheart. We were like a couple minus the intimacy. “You’re terrible,” she said as she wrapped her arm around mine.

It was Homecoming week and I was nominated for King. As much as I played it off, this was a big deal. The Marti’s were notorious for winning the crown. I remember going to the Homecoming game when I was just a little boy, standing on the sidelines watching as my Sister Twin waved to the crowd from the back of a red convertible. Atop her head sat a sparkling crown. I wanted that crown. I wanted to be in that convertible. I wanted to wave to the adoring crowd. [click to continue…]

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Shitter’s Full

by The Rooster on February 7, 2010

Capital Letter O in House of Lime's Paisley Caps Fontur house had one bathroom. That meant one toilet for 10 kids.

One of my earliest memories ever is sitting on that toilet yelling at the top of my lungs as I was potty training.

“I’m gonna fall in!” I screamed.

My mother, who was standing a few feet away with a smile on her face and arms crossed, said to me in a calm voice, “You’re not gonna fall in. Just be sure to tuck your penis in.” [click to continue…]

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Happy at the Laundromat

by The Rooster on February 1, 2010

Capital Letter G in House of Lime's Paisley Caps Fontrowing up, we used sleeping bags instead of comforters. Sleeping bags, although annoying to wash, were much easier for a poor family to use.  They were more durable and stain resistant (to puke, piss, shit, or cum). The washer we had at home was barely strong enough to wash the crusties out of Brother Baloney’s underwear. So in order to wash anything larger than a hand towel, we had to go to the Laundromat. [click to continue…]

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